Welcome!
This site is meant for anyone who has been having fantasies or obsessions about spanking but don't know what, if anything, to ever do about it. It is also meant as a resource for friends of spankos, so that they may better understand what their friend or partner is going through and what they may do about it.
Spanking is something that some people in the world are involuntarily obsessed with. This obsession doesn't make a person weird or unhealthy, nor does it mean they are seeking unsafe outlets for an underlying psychological condition. Spanking, when practiced correctly in a willing and consensual environment, is a rewarding activity that has brought a lot of fulfillment to those who are wired to want and/or need it.
The menu at the top of the page will provide links to the different areas of the site; it may need to be tapped twice, in some instances. "The Basics" is the longest section and covers such concepts as the different roles a spanko can have in a spanking relationship, responsibilities of a spanker and spankee, different types of spanking, and also spanking positions and implements. "F.A.Q.s" will cover the questions that people who are new to spanking as a "thing" can often ask. The "Glossary" section will define words you're likely to see used by other spankos which are not intuitively defined.
Since the age of people who visit this site won't be determined, this site intentionally omits any pictures, videos, explicit descriptions of adult content as well as any external links to any site which might contain those things.
This site will NOT discuss anything related to children in any way. I'd say "look elsewhere", but I don't want you doing that either. If you're looking for spanking content related to kids, go sit in a corner and feel ashamed of yourself; it's a much better use of your time.
Basic Stuff To Know
The "Roles", "Responsibilities", "Types of Spankings", "Spanking Positions", and "Implements" sections can be collapsed by clicking on their respective headers.
Quick Navigation
RolesWhat is spanking?
Spanking is an act which uses pain, applied exclusively to the recipient's bottom, as a tool for producing an intended effect. That effect can either be remorse over unwanted behavior, release of unwanted emotions, mutual enjoyment, or any other number of things which will be discussed below.
An important thing to always keep in mind is that spanking is a tool, not a solution. It cannot be applied as a cure-all for what ails a relationship or a person's behavior. The atmosphere of the spanking, the trust between the spanker and spankee, the rationale behind the spanking - all of these things collectively result in the effectiveness of a spanking. Do not use it as a solution; treat it as a tool that must be used in conjunction with other tools.
What is a spanko?
A spanko is anyone who is fascinated by the act (or even mention) of spanking. This fascination can extend to related activities such as lecturing, corner time, stern looks, etc. Spankos can sometimes clarify their interest by identifying as a "spanko purist" and/or "hard-wired spanko" (see the glossary for definition of those terms).
Roles
Caveat: Remember that a person can claim any one of these roles whether or not they have any knowledge of or experience with it. Finding and engaging a spanking partner of any kind always carries risk with it, whether injurious risk (physical and/or emotional) or anticlimactic risk (you didn't get what you wanted). Be responsible in selecting one.
Spankers
Disciplinarian
This is a person who disciplines you when you break rules and also (optionally) helps you set said rules.Mentor
This is a person who helps you set rules and (optionally) disciplines you for breaking them.Top
A (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spanker.Spankees
bottom
A (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spankee.brat
Someone who enjoys misbehaving (either playfully or realistically) before and/or during a spanking.charge / mentee / ward
These terms have many definitions, but they usually refer to a person who is in some sort of dynamic with a Mentor.Variable Titles
Switch
Someone who is willing to be either a spanker or spankee, depending on the partner.Play Partner
A generic term for someone with whom you have a (usually) ongoing spanking relationship.Auxiliary Roles
Teacher
Someone who is willing and able to help you see and understand spanking-related ideas and practices based on the perspective of their own experiences.Student
You, hopefully.Safety Call
Someone who remains available to you (usually via phone) while you're meeting up with a spanking partner you haven't fully gotten to know, yet. This person is responsible for helping you or getting you help if you end up in any danger, and therefore needs to know who you're with, where you are, roughly how long you're expected to remain out of contact before the worrying begins, etc.Responsibilities
In addition to performing your own responsibilities, it is advisable that you also take appropriate measures to ensure that your partner is fulfilling theirs.
As a spanko, you have two, basic responsibilities: your safety and your fulfillment.
For your safety:- Make sure you are pursuing spanking for healthy reasons.
- Know your limits and limitations.
- Explicitly communicate those limits and limitations, where applicable, to your partner.
- Effectively safeguard those limits and limitations.
- Know what it is that you get out of spanking.
- Find trustworthy people who are willing to engage your interest.
- Explicitly communicate your needs and desires to your partner.
Healthy Reasons
Whatever your reason(s) for spanking, make sure that it is with the consent and for the benefit of everyone directly involved. So long as those things are remembered, most spankings are going to be healthy. However, there are some times when spanking should never be used. They are, in no particular order:- as an outlet for abusive desires / behaviors / memories
- as a substitute or replacement for addiction (self-mutiliation, drug abuse, etc)
- to 'treat' any condition (anorexia nervosa, bulimia, etc)
- in lieu of necessary maturing (adults need to adult; make sure spankings aren't the only thing keeping a person adulting).
Limits and Limitations
"Limits" are what you're unwilling to do. "Limitations" are what you're unable to do. Recognize the difference. Sometimes you may be willing to do something your body or emotions cannot handle. Sometimes, you may be convinced to do something you're unwilling to do by being told you are technically capable of it. Don't do either.
It's important to remember that a limit and/or limitation does not need to be persistent in order to be valid. For example: while the majority of your limits and limitations are likely going to be more or less permanent, an hour-long objection to punitive spankings is no less valid than a life-long aversion to the use of a particular implement. Even if a limit apparently only applies to a particular day, hour, or even moment, it still needs to be treated exactly the same as any other. It's also important to remember that you may have different limits and limitations based on the context of who's spanking you, what's being used, or even what kind of spanking it's meant to be. Don't be surprised if you can take an hour-long beating with a cane when it's for fun but also can't handle more than a few strokes if it's for punishment. There are no rules for how (internally) accepting or resistant you should be to any part of this.
Communication
Whether your limits and limitations are physical or psychological, you must communicate those which are applicable to your partner before they can become an issue. While it can be difficult to be that vulnerable in revealing those to someone, this is why it's important: If you do not clearly and explicitly communicate a limit or limitation to a partner, you are claiming all responsibility (and simultaneously absolving your partner from any responsibility) for any damage done to you as a result of that limit or limitation being crossed. Even if you find that to be an acceptable risk, you also must remember that any damage to you will be putting your well-intentioned partner through a very bad time as a result of any hurt being caused. If you have any personal limit or limitation which might be put at risk during any portion of a scene, your partner needs to be informed of it and you will also need to re-acquire their consent to playing with you before a scene may begin.
Remember that, along with keeping yourself safe, you also have responsibilities with keeping your interests fulfilled. You and only you are responsible (every time) for your partner knowing when you might want or need a spanking. You and only you are responsible for telling your partner when a spanking has gone beyond what you can take. While you might be blessed with a partner who's particularly adept at detecting these things, especially after being with you a while, these responsibilities never shift from you over to them, nor should they ever be expected to. Pay attention to yourself; make sure your partner knows what's going on inside your head.
Safeguarding your limits and limitations
If someone wants to convince you that your limits or limitations are invalid, go ahead and hear them out, if you want. It's healthy to periodically get external perspective and experience applied to your journey. If someone tries to overrule or override your stated limits and limitations, however, fight them on it. Tooth and nail, if you have to. Even if they are technically correct, the fact that you still believe that it's a limit or limitation means your brain and body won't be receptive to the act, and it can only result in a negative experience for you.Things that are NOT your responsibility
- Prioritizing your partner's needs over your own. While it is important to remain sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of your partner, they do not have greater importance than your own.
- Unconditional authority / obedience. The rules you've established need to be malleable to extenuating circumstance, as do the consequences for violating them.
- Unconditional acceptance of a spanking. No matter what the reason for the spanking may be, you should NOT engage a spanking you don't feel able to give / take.
- Ensuring that your partner is being honest and forthcoming with their communication. While it is essential to listen to what your partner communicates to you, it is your partner's responsibility, not yours, to ensure that what they are thinking and what they are saying is the same thing.
Responsibilities specific to the spanker
You will generally be expected to provide direction for the spanking. Many of these things can change throughout the spanking. They include, but are not limited to:- The lead-up to the spanking (lecturing, corner time, etc)
- How much clothing (if any) covers the bottom
- The position the spankee will be in
- Which impelements to use
- The firmness at which to spank
- The pacing of the spanking
- The duration of the spanking
- The conclusion of the spanking (corner time, after care, etc)
Responsibilities specific to the spankee
You'll generally be expected to be more-or-less accepting of the spanking. You'll also need to make sure your body and mind recover from a spanking, if necessary, before entering other situations which require either. Specifics include, but are not limited to:- Unless you have reason to use your safeword, be accepting enough of the spanking to not demonstrate actual refusal. Don't send mixed messages.
- If you have a safeword and need to use it, use it. No excuses.
- Keep yourself hydrated and fed. Spanking soaks up a lot of energy and water.
- Keep your skin healthy. Lotion and vitamin E are good. Skin can quickly dry up from spankings, leading to unwanted blistering and / or breakage.
Types of Spanking
Note: Remember that every spanking must be a cooperative (and complementary) effort if it's going to be both healthy and constructive. Both of you have to be in the right mindset for the kind of spanking you want to give.
Note 2: This is not a complete list, nor is there any existing consensus on the validity or defintion of these terms.
Arbitrary
A spanking given for no particular purpose, often as a result of the spanking partners simply being in the mood for a spanking.Corrective
Discipline
Not to be confused with Punishment, "discipline" comes from the Latin word disciplina which means 'instruction'. A disciplinary spanking is meant to provide instruction for future behavior, as opposed to providing a consequence for past behavior.Punishment
Not to be confused with Discipline, "punishment" comes from the Latin word punire which means 'penalty'. A punishment spanking is meant to provide a consequence for past behavior, as opposed to instruction for future behavior.Demonstrative
A spanking given in the presence of at least one observer, usually for instructional purposes.Introductory
A spanking given to introduce the spanker and/or spankee to each other's methods.Erotic
Spanking given before or during (or sometimes instead of) sex for the purpose of eliciting sexual arousal.Mandatory
A spanking that is going to be given regardless of the spankee's behavior.Bedtime Spankings
A spanking given before bed each night.Wake-up Spankings
A spanking given at the beginning of the day.Maintenance
A spanking which is given, usually at regularly scheduled intervals, to ensure that behavior is kept at a desirable level.Motivational
A spanking given to prompt the spankee to put more effort into completing a desired task.Playful
A spanking given in a light-hearted atmosphere with light-hearted intentions.Preventive
A spanking given with the intention of preventing an unwanted attitude, behavior, or action before it can take place.Relief
Calming
Not to be confused with Therapeutic, a calming spanking seeks to return an overly-emotional person's emotional state back to baseline.Therapeutic
Also known as "stress relief", and not to be confused with Calming, a therapeutic spanking seeks to help someone release emotions that are being unhealthily built up.Reward
A (usually more gentle) spanking given to serve as positive re-enforcement for a desired behavior.Rhetorical
A spanking used to win or help win an argument. Unless both partners enjoy this kind of spanking, it is usually unethical and probably abusive.Romantic
A spanking given to produce and/or intensify romantic feelings between spanker and spankee.Special Occasion
A spanking given, usually in celebration, for a special event. Birthday spankings are an example of these.Unique / Colloquial
Blissipline
A portmanteau of "bliss" and "discipline".Funishment
A portmanteau of "fun" and "punishment".Spanking Positions
You may not expect it, but a poor spanking position can ruin a spanking. It's important to know about different options, how well they suit different kinds of spankings, and, when necessary, what sort of posture is ideal in maintaining it.
General considerations for any position:
- For just about any spanking position, it's ideal that the spankee's bottom be elevated or pushed out in some way, so that the spanker has a better target and is less likely to strike somewhere else unintentionally.
- It's important that the only discomfort the spankee experience be on their bottom. It's good practice to make sure the spankee is in all other ways comfortable prior to a spanking starting.
- Make sure that the tip of whatever implement is being used comfortably reaches the far side of the spankee's bottom.
There are four basics stances for a spanking: Bending over, lying over something, standing, and diaper position.
Bending over
Being over the spanker's knees
This is known as the classic "Over The Knee" (OTK) position. The optimal posture for this position is to have the spankee's sit spot (the area between the spankee's bottom and legs) line up with the outside edge of the spanker's leg (not the spankee's waist, as can sometimes happen). It's also good to make sure that the spankee is positioned in such a way that the spanker is able to use their dominant hand to spank with.
Bending over an object
This position has the spankee bending over an object such as a piece of furniture, with the spanker positioned perpendicularly to the spankee. It's ideal to either select a cushioned surface for the spankee to bend over, or to provide a cushion of some kind if they are bent over a more solid object.
Bending over nothing - with support
This position has the spankee simply bend over while supporting themselves by placing their hands on their knees or grabbing their ankles.
Bending over nothing - without support
This position has the spankee simply bend over while using nothing to support themselves.
Diaper Position
This position has the spankee lay on their back while holding their legs directly upwards. Either the spankee can be kept responsible for keeping their legs in position or the spanker can hold their legs steady, usually by grabbing the spankee's ankles and holding them in place.
Lying over something
This position has the spankee lay prone over an object (such as a pillow on a bed) which elevates their hips. This position is pretty fool-proof. The only element to be considerate of is that the distance between the spanker and spankee is equal to the length of the implement that will be used for the spanking.
Standing
For this position, the spankee can either be standing completely upright or they can lean against an object with their bottom pushed out. With the latter, it's advised that the spankee place their hands on whatever they are leaning against for support.
Implements
Never use an implement that has been damaged in any way.
Common Materials
First, it is important to know the materials from which an implement can be made.
- Leather - Both stingy and thuddy. Probably has the greatest range of any material in terms of mildness or severity. Must receive regular care or it will start to dry and crack.
- Plastic
- Acrylic - Inexpensive, but also the easiest to break. Will usually leave welts on the recipients's skin.
- Delrin - Advertised as unbreakable. Usually very flexible and stingy.
- Lexan - Advertised as unbreakable. Very dense and thuddy. Use with caution.
- Rubber - Very thuddy. Can usually only be used in small doses.
- Wood
- Dense - Heavy hitter. Very easily bruises the skin. Exercise extreme caution in your aiming as a misplaced strike can damage body parts.
- Light - Stingy. Will often leave the skin red and somewhat inflamed. Can usually be used for longer periods of time than heavy wood, but will also dry out the spankee's skin quickly.
Common Implements
When spanking, be mindful of the heaviness and hardness of your implement. Heavy and / or hard implements should never be used on an area of the body close to bone.
Spankings are noticeably noisy and aren't difficult to overhear by neighbors or passers-by, so use discretion. The terms here are relative to a firm hand-spanking.
Belt
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Intermediate | Thuddy/Stingy | Moderate to Severe | Entire Bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs | Moderate |
Bathbrush
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Intermediate to Advanced | Thuddy | Severe | Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots | Loud |
Hairbrush
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Intermediate | Thuddy/Stingy | Moderate to Severe | Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots | Moderate to Loud |
Cane - Thick
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Advanced | Stingy/Thuddy | Severe | Lower two-thirds of bottom | Moderate |
Cane - Thin
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Advanced | Stingy | Moderate to Severe | Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs | Discreet |
Paddle - Large
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Advanced | Thuddy/Stingy | Severe | Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots | Loud |
Paddle - Small
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Intermediate | Stingy and/or Thuddy (depending on material) | Moderate | Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs | Moderate to Loud |
Hand
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Beginner | Stingy/Thuddy | Mild to Moderate | Entire bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs | Moderate |
Ruler
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Beginner | Stingy | Mild | Entire bottom (depending on material) / Sit Spots / Thighs | Discreet to Moderate |
Spoon
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Beginner | Stingy | Mild to Moderate | Entire bottom (depending on material) / Sit Spots / Thighs | Moderate |
Strap
| Expertise | Sensation | Intensity | Generally Safe Target(s) | Noise Level |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Intermediate to Advanced | Thuddy/Stingy | Moderate to Severe | Entire bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs | Moderate |